Birthday

My birthday is in a little over a week and I haven't lost nearly as much weight as I really wanted to I think I let the stress from my job get to me. I hope that for my wedding I can lose many many lbs. I'm getting married this summer and I feel super excited for it but I want to fit into a beautiful nice dress. I am going to spend $$$ on a wedding dress so I have to make sure my body is perfect for it I'm going to go get fitted for it in July so I need to come up with an amazing diet plan for the month of May. First off I can't eat after work anymore, I get off work at 6 so instead I should just go to the gym take a shower and drink lots of water afterwards and go to sleep. I also should just eat once per day during my lunch hour I feel like that is more than enough. I bought a bunch of the healthy choice frozen meals. They are still too many calories in my opinion (300-400) per box but I really need to get strict and serious with my weight loss. If I really don't take this seriously I am never going to lose enough weight. Luckily I have a co-worker who really motivates me and tells me to start going to the gym now because time goes by very fast. She is absolutely right. Also the slimstyles was really disgusting I wouldn't recommend it at all. I had it for over 2 weeks and the last time I had it I ended throwing it all up because it was so disgusting. I just couldn't handle it at all it made me feel really "full" but it was more like the fattest person ever and it made my stomach feel bloated. It's a really disgusting feeling so I would never ever do it again. I would like to blame my failure on the shakes but it was my fault because I made the decision to eat those things. I need to lose tons of weight I'm thinking that Monday I will try to do a fast with water and a yogurt to kickstart my weightloss. Then on Tuesday I can start eating my one meal and going to the gym afterwards. I think I want to go for one hour after work so that I get home around 7 thirty and then take a shower and go straight to bed instead of staying up thinking about the temptations of the fridge. I hate when I have thoughts about food. To me getting caught eating something tasty or high calorie is worse than getting caught watching porn. As strange as that sounds that is how ashamed I am of myself and I really don't want to feel this way anymore. The only solution is starvation nothing else can heal my broken heart.

Progress

Weekly progress update I have lost 6 pounds this week and I feel I am making good enough progress I don't feel any different but considering my size that is to be expected. I can't wait to lose more and more weight my wedding is in about three months and I must look perfect for it regardless of the cost I want to be beautiful. I keep thinking about the women who consistently talk about losing a few Pounds for their wedding and fail. I feel like they're an embarassment to women everywhere. I don't even understand why they make plus size wedding dresses it just doesn't make sense to me. Their lack of perseverance and inner strength truly bothers me. I know for a fact I want to look my best for my wedding day.i want to be happy and thin. The part I'm most worried about is the bridal lingerie. It really means so much to me to look beautiful. What bothers me and worries me is the bridal lingerie I want to look stunning and not fat so I need to do my best to look gorgeous.

Saturday April 7, 2012

Today I'm officially starting the weight loss drink mix, I was going to start it on Tuesday but I didn't actually get paid until Thursday and I ended up buying it last night. I finally reached an interesting point where I don't care about food it doesn't bring me any happiness anymore instead it leaves me feeling fat and sick I hate it so I'm going to purify my body by quitting food and these weight loss drinks are going to help me. I've also got my family convinced its a healthy alternative and I'm going to have enough nutrients and vitamins which isn't completely sure but I'm sure I will have more nourishment from this than the garbage I've been eating lately. I also bought a multi-vitamin with it. The way these drinks work is that they expand in your stomach in a similar way to bread and they make you feel full and control your appetite that way. I hope it works I have to drink plenty of water with this that is not an option for this diet. It literally forces me to drink water all day instead of poison soda.  Today for my first day I'm drinking 2, one right now as soon as my bottled water gets cold enough and another within 5 hours and that should be it for today. Usually we get Chinese food on Saturdays and if we do I'm going to get steamed vegetables to play it off no one can suspect what I'm doing I want to do this comfortably without anyone bothering me. I want to be happy again. I decided to weigh myself every Saturday so that way this experience can be less stressful and more relaxing. I'll write about my experiences today later tonight.

April

Diet Plan for the month of April 

1. Slimstyle meal replacement twice per day 
2. Thermogenic fat burner 4 times per day 
3. At least 30 mins of intense cardio per day 
4. No food other than meal replacement 
5. No sugars in drinks 
6. No drinks besides water with lemon, tea, ice cold water, plain coffee in limited quantities, and low calorie energy drinks as a last resort.    

• Week 1- 1 scoop of slimstyle meal replacement with 8 ounces of soymilk. 30 mins of cardio 
• Week 2- 2 scoops of slimstyle meal replacement with 8 ounces of soymilk. 1 hr of cardio 
• Week 3- 2 scoops of slimstyle meal replacement with 8 ounces of soymilk. 1 hr of cardio 
• Week 4- 1 1/2 scoops of slimstyle meal replacement with 8 ounces of soymilk. 30 mins of cardio 

Dates

Week 1- April 4- April 11

Week 2- April 12 - April 19

Week 3- April 20- April  27

Week 4- April 28- May 5st  

Meal times 

1st shake: 7:45 am 

2nd shake: 7:30 pm 

Fat burner 1: 8:20 am 

Fat burner 2: 1 pm 

Fat burner 3: 6 pm 

Fat burner 4: 8 pm 

Breakfast lemon water: 7:30 am 

16 oz of ice cold water required within an hour after each shake